Woodford Green CC.

Report vs Woodford Green CC

Match Report
Date 31/08/2025 
Oppo Woodford Green (a)
Type 35 Overs
Report by Sir Winston Churchill


The O’s arrived at the historic Woodford Green ground following another chastening defeat at Rayleigh over the bank holiday weekend. An insipid one-nil defeat to 
Northampton 24 hours earlier had done little to raise the spirits of the O’s boys, whilst skipper Richardson had spent most of the build up trying to find an 
eleventh player.

Sir Jack, who on arrival had told his teammates that he had ‘woken up angry’ following the aforementioned Northampton debacle, soon snapped out of his sulk when 
given a fright by a gang of cricket pad-wielding Woodford Green youngsters as he tried to deposit his bag in the away changing room. Our hero was seen running away 
from the terrifying home team players, threatening to go on strike until the culprits were removed.

The visitors were given a lift, however, when Al Syrett’s eleventh hour eleventh man Steven Turnbull arrived, not only on his own steam, but with all four limbs 
intact, a BMI below the ‘flashing red’ level and at an age under pensionable. Skipper Richardson then delivered the news that the O’s would be batting first, with 
Sir Jack and The Pres to open, which meant that Sir Jack had to again brave the away changing room.

The innings got off to a quiet start, with Sir Jack and The Pres exchanging boundaries, before home skipper Martin saw off The Pres with a sharp one outside off 
that took the edge. Sir Jack was joined by brother Alex, who had completed 90 minutes, a half marathon and 10 rounds in the ring before arriving at the crease. 
Unfortunately, it seemed that the superstar athlete’s exertions had impacted his batting as he was bowled for nought by the older Mostyn.

Sir Jack and ‘Braces/Saint/Jumpers’ Johnson began to rebuild, before Johnson called his partner through for a tight leg bye. Johnson was run out by keeper Thompson, 
who had completed his walk on before hitting the bullseye with his throw to remove the bails. Sir Jack could be heard apologising to Johnson for the extra cushioning
around his hips caused by the previous night’s (excellent) Orient Kebab.

Another rebuild began, with Sir Jack and Alex ‘The Good Cop’ Franklin building into the high 30s, before Thedchanamoorthy was introduced to the attack. Sir Jack had 
safely negotiated five balls of the tricky swing bowler’s second over, before teammate Felix ‘Down Under’ Daji decided to offer some ‘advice’ from the boundary. 
After taking a moment to reset his focus, Baker-Merry played down the line of the ball, before the ball began to swing from leg to off and past the moons of Jupiter, 
before catching the outside edge and onto the top of off stump. Sir Jack gestured to Daji to acknowledge his helpful ‘advice’, before sloping off to the pavilion.

‘Two Legs’ Turnbull and Franklin began yet another rebuild, before Turnbull was stumped off the younger Mostyn. The diminutive bowler, who was looking forward to his 
first day at junior school the next day, then accounted for skipper Richardson for nought, bringing Daji to the crease.

Following his own ‘advice’ dished out to teammates earlier in the piece, ‘Lend a Hand’ Daji decided that attack was the best option for the situation, flashing at a 
wide one from Rowlands which took the edge through to the keeper, following his captain’s lead and walking off without troubling the scorers.

All was not lost, however, as the O’s banker Syrett walked out to join the impressive Franklin. A good partnership steered the O’s from calamity to nearing 
respectability, with Syrett giving the strike to the form-man, taking the score above 160. However, ‘The Good Cop’ could not reach three figures – caught scooping 
Onojaife in the last over. Hayes could not add to the score, leaving the O’s to defend 165 in the second dig.

Despite an early wicket from ‘Here to Help’ Daji, the O’s could not contain the dangerous Onojaife and Watkinson, with Sir Jack spilling a tough diving chance off 
Daji not ‘helping’ matters. If only Daji had been on hand to give our hero some pointers before the ball had headed his way!

Onojaife’s retirement at 50 brought the O’s some respite, and Golden Arm Syrett soon had newly at the crease Ahmed caught by debutant ‘No Known Ailments’ Turnbull 
for two. This bought Mann to the crease, with Syrett declaring that Mann was infact Sir Jack’s ‘man’. FOllowing a correction of ‘boy’ from Hayes, Sir Jack thought 
that he had the home youngster trapped LBW from a pretty filthy full toss. After a second enquiry, the home umpire decided that it was indeed worthy of raising the 
finger. An embarrassed Sir Jack decided that he could not allow the young Mann to walk off, withdrawing his appeal(s). With the batter reinstated, and Sir Jack’s 
cricketing honour restored, our hero ran in again, taking the outside edge and removing the home batter caught behind at the first opportunity.

Thompson added 26 for the home side, before he was removed LBW for a maiden O’s wicket by Turnbull, whilst a retirement from Watkinson bought the younger Mostyn to 
the crease – who was quickly removed by ‘Hat-trick’ Hayes. The impressive Thedchanamoorthy and the elder Mostyn saw the hosts over the line for a five-wicket win. 
‘Citizen’s Advice’ Daji was the pick of the bowlers with 1-29 from seven, whilst ‘Normal Resting Heart Rate’ Turnbull’s 1-28 from five constituted a respectable debut.

The O’s returned to the pavilion to discover that the showers were out of operation. Wisely deciding to sit outside, the O’s were joined by club legend ‘Big’ Al Wicks,
Matt ‘I am not sure Dave’ Hiscock and Ollie ‘No Autographs’ Buck as well as Ansar ‘Lancs League’ Hussain. The O’s players were presented with a commemorative carved 
coaster, marking 40 years of the club’s existence, by club engraver Danny ‘Baby Driver’ Whittam, who could not confirm if the stone had been sourced from the 
Walthamstow Wall’s collection of granite cricket bats.


The O’s travel to Hatfield Heath next week for the final game of the season, with curry availability currently outweighing cricket availability by 2/1.

(This article is sponsored by Daji Cricket Advice – Delivered just when you need it.)

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© Dave Revell