Netteswell & Burnt Mill CC.

Report vs Netteswell & Burnt Mill CC

Match Report
Date 31/05/26 
Oppo Netteswell & Burnt Mill (a)
Type 40 Overs
Report by The Marathon Man


Looking to get back to winning ways, The O’s arrived at one of the finest venues they’d play cricket at this season at Harlow Town CC as they prepared to 
face Netteswell & Burnt Mill, still facing PTSD from last season’s fixture there where an unnamed Australian Overseas Batsmen from Harlow’s 1s had put The 
O’s to bed within the first 5 overs… Words had been had with the fixture committee however, and The O’s had been assured that this fixture would be a much 
more evenly contested one. Let’s see how that unfolds.

As The O’s players started arriving, it quickly dawned on vice-captain J. Baker-Merry, just how young The O’s side was that day, with over half the team 
already there, Jack was by far the oldest and most experienced one in the changing rooms. That quickly changed though as the old guard started to arrive, 
and as I.Richardson arrived, bringing up the age average considerably, said “Fuck me, it’s like a creche in here”. Richardson took advantage of the 
youthfulness and naivety of the dressing room and saw the opportunity to start flogging some of his old gear, and he struck up a deal with Pratham for his 
old cricket bat. “Listen lad, there’s been a lot of runs scored with this beauty, and considering I sold big John a souvenir bat for £30, you can have this 
for a special price of £75”, and the pair shook hands and Pratham had a special bat, which Ritzy promised would serve him well as we was set to open the 
batting later.

The skipper went out to the crease, and as per usual, lost the toss for the 19th time in a row. With Netteswell & Burnt Mill having only 8 players, 2 of 
them with broken feet, their skipper didn’t yet know who’d be doing what… “We’ll have a think about it” was their decision.

Eventually, The O’s headed out to field first, and J. Clapton & J. Baker-Merry opened the bowling for The O’s, and despite the lack of Australian Overseas 
players, the visiting side were still put to the sword, and the home side raced away scoring runs early doors, until eventually J. Baker-Merry managed to 
stem the flow of runs when A. Jessey (26) nicked it to Danno behind the stumps to see Jack take the first wicket of the afternoon, after which he proceed 
to rip off his shirt, knee slide towards the pavilion, giving a two fingered salute to the out-going batsman… “Chill out, it’s only a Sunday game” said 
Jessey. A highlight of the first innings was J. Haye's sublime top speed run out, in which he picked up the ball close to the stumps, and took a stroll up 
to the non-strikers end to take the run/stroll out, and dismiss T. Luck for 0. J. Clapton & F. Meaden chipped in with a wicket each, and J. Hayes & K. Malik 
took two each to bowl out the depleted home side for a tough to chase score of 269.

The highlight of the day so far was undoubtedly the tea laid on by the home side, with a plethora of tiger roll baguettes and hot food, that The O’s 
tucked in to, grateful that they weren’t having to go out to field.

As A. Baker-Merry & P. Bhatia headed out to open the batting, the visitors didn’t quite get off to the same start that the home side did. With Richardson’s 
“Ol’ Trusty” in hand, Bhatia looked to get off to a quick start, and with the words of Ritzy running through his head, “This bat guarantees boundaries”, 
took a swing at the first ball he faced, which didn’t quite ping to the boundary, but instead and up into the arms of the P. Mullins, and Bhatia was out 
for a golden duck.

K. Malik (7) suffered a similar fate, and The O’s were in dire straits early doors. However A. Baker-Merry (23) and 
M. Johnson/Braces/Saint/Jumpers/Nickname/The Mayor Of Ware (12- like clockwork) hung around long enough to keep The O’s in the game early doors. That was 
until however, P. Bhatia, fresh from his early shower succumbed to the pressure of the home side’s appeals and dismissed Johnson for an LBW… clearly not 
getting the message from the home side to keep that finger down!

J. Baker-Merry (38) was next in, and with some steady run scoring made the scoreline like slightly more respectable, that was until a 16 year old girl 
bowled his stumps clean off. Fellow 16 year old, F. Meaden (0) also suffered a similar fate, with the home side’s fielders saying “If she gets you, you 
have to give her your number”, and Meaden’s eyes lit up at the prospect, and got out very next ball.Richardson (12), Hayes (10) and Clapton (10*) added 
some runs, before specialist finisher O. Buck came in scoring 5*, to continue his mightily impressive record of being not-out this season with a positive 
strike rate to see the O’s out and fulfil their task of getting the score within 100 runs, but ultimately losing comfortably.

Following the game, skipper Ritzy did the honour of dishing out retired club legend, Steve Hillier’s old gear. Considering Ritzy’s bat didn’t score 
Bhatia any runs, he was all over the prospect of some fresh gear, and managed to snag a bag, a bat, a helmet, pads, gloves, whites, spikes, and a 30-year 
old jock-strap and box, all of which that were considerably older than he was! The rest of the O’s side dished the remaining spikes between them.

Some post-match discussions also took place between the two skippers of how we can make such a fantastic fixture more competitive next season. The 
conclusion of said discussions, according to Ritzy were “Maybe we just need to pick stronger players and be a bit less shit next year”. With that said, 
it was a fantastic day at a stunning ground with some exceptional hospitality… same again next year.

Next game away to Sawbridgeworth

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© Dave Revell