LOSCC vs Woodford Green.

Report vs Woodford Green

Match Report
Date - 30/08/09 
Oppo – Woodford Green (a)
Type – Timed
Report by Adam Parkes.

The O's travelled to nearby Woodford Green for our annual fixture, and one of our few time games.  Simon Heed, 
the O's skipper for the day, took advantage of winning the toss as conditions were never going to get better and 
decided to put the hosts into the field.  The time ticked closer to 1pm, and the O's had only 8 on site as the usual 
latecomers were still en-route (James had to sneak out of the Retirement Home past the evil warden, whilst Walker and 
Hughes were held up by a concrete truck in the East End but more on that later!).  After much too-ing and fro-ing 
between Tooth and Cooper as to who would accompany Evans to the wicket, it was decided that the Big Man (tm) was up to 
the task.  Cooper then with shoulders hunched traipsed off to the changing room to get kitted up.  The signs were not 
good, but time would only tell.
 
Evans and Cooper started off steadily and were playing quite well on one of the better, and quicker, wickets that 
we've played on all year.  Evans had his square-cut working well until he was snaffled at point by Dharwan off of, 
um, Evans for 11.  This brought Tooth to the crease. Tooth started slowly, but on ball 5 (!) smashed an N Trim 
half-volley over mid-off's head with the air of a batsman in great form.   Cooper continued to slowly accumulate runs 
taking a while to get going, but doing a stirling job supporting the Butcher of Woodford at the other end.
 
The pair continued to put the Green attack to the sword, and the O's were looking at a record total.  A much concerned 
Mulholland watched from the boundary as he saw his record 176* against Epping Foresters under serious threat whilst 
sweating on the late appearance of drinking partner Ronnie Kray.  Under the alias of Alan Wicks, he quietly took 
Mulholland aside to inform him that a certain someone from a certain team had been taken care of, and that he had to 
take the concrete truck back to the yard, hence the tardiness.  Obviously the gangster had taken what he had heard 
about the Ilford Catholics pre-match team talk by Mulholland too seriously and literally "Buried the *****!".  A look 
of sweet satisfaction swept over the O's legends' face, until he berated Kray for driving to the ground from the scene 
of the crime with a map of Buntingford!  But back to the cricket.....
 
Whilst this all went on, the Tooth/Cooper partnership was starting to slow slightly.  One of the Woodford spectators 
began to psyche out James, declaring that he'd be out second ball.  As this torment continued, Tooth notched up his 
8th century for the club, and first this season.  The knock had to be one of the highlights of this impressive season, 
and took his tally to 535 runs for the calendar season.  But Mulholland needn't have worried for as soon as his record 
seemed threatened, Tooth was trapped LBW by Ahmed.  
 
There was a small Orient collapse that followed.  Cooper was bowled for a splendid 59, soon followed by Heed caught for 
a Richardson.  But a determined James, trying to prove his doubter on the sideline wrong survived past the second ball, 
and put on an unbroken 50 for the 5th wicket with Hammer Hughes (awaiting arrest after the Millwall debacle).  With a 
few trademark swashes of his deputy willow, James finished on 35 n.o. whilst Hughes left the field 15 n.o. and the O's 
declared at 345pm on a good 239-4.
 
The tea went as usual.  James eating most of all - 8 sandwiches, two sausages, sausage rolls, fruit, and a cake.  When 
Parkes tried to return Revell's Ready Salted Walker's to him, James growled prompting the removal of his hand and 
leaving the Tea Monster (tm) alone to his own devices.  Reports of people going missing during the course of tea have 
so far been unfounded.
 
The O's took the field for the Woodford Innings knowing that 240 in fading light would be a tough target.  Parkes and 
Walker opened up and were bowling well.  Tester playing his trademark shuffle-shovel shot down  to fine leg, and Dhawan 
finding the short boundary on a couple of occasions looked settled.  Dhawan was then dropped in the slips by Evans off 
Parkes, but was soon snaffled by Walker with a good catch by Heed at mid-off for 21.  Elvis Smith then came to the 
crease for his own special brand of cricket.  Mulholland then took Kray around the boundary for a walk whilst looking 
quite worried by the approaching forested area looking constantly over his shoulder to make sure there was no handgun 
in sight.  
 
The pressure kept telling on Woodford.  Tester was caught by Joy behind square after Vaughan-like captaincy by Heed, 
and Tooth took a sharp chance at square-leg to take Evans - both off Walker taking his tally to three for the innings.   
Joy replaced Parkes and was dismissed over the short boundary on a couple of occasions by the Calypso Kid who was 
playing some extraordinary, and impossible shots.  Revell replaced Walker at the other end, and even though a few balls 
were hit to the leg-side boundary early on, (bowling off-spin as he had pulled his hamstring) one great ball pitched and 
turned to dismiss Martin bowled for 21. Woodford's reply was starting to falter and M Trim was soon to follow, bowled 
for 9 and bringing up Revell's 100th wicket for the O's.
 
Tooth replaced a tired Joy and kept it nice and tight, but as with Parkes earlier, the batsmen couldn't get near him 
apart from a couple of Bahamian Blasters from Smith.  Smith was dropped by James off Tooth at mid-wicket later on.  
Tooth noticing that there was blonde girl walking past with a group of fine fillies so totally understood the 
distraction whilst cursing under his breath.
 
Hughes replaced Revell for a rare bowl, and started badly, but his second over showed promise taking S Trim wicket. 
Unfortunately for Hughes his third over was despatched for 19 and was taken off by Heed.  Parkes and Tooth could not 
break through at the end and the Big Man (tm) edged towards the wicket to bowl the last over.  Cooper creaked as he 
approached the crease whilst lighting up a B&H inbetween deliveries.  And with one of the final balls of the match, 
Cooper had  Ahmed stumped by Cat Redman behind the stumps for 23.  Elvis finished on 81 not out and the Green's total 
was 213-7 at the close.
 
Special mentions to Eddie, James, and Dave.   Eddie passed 500 runs for the season so far.  James has now taken 16 
wickets this season, a personal best and continues to improve.  And finally, Dave, who passed 100 wickets for the club 
and earns his cap.  Well done to you all!

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© Dave Revell