Matching Green. Matching Green.
Match Report Date 30/06/2024 Oppo Matching Green (a) Type 30 Overs Report by Ollie Buck As a light drizzle of rain fell from the clouds above the idyllic village of Matching Green early on this Sunday morning, The O’s arrived at a truly beautiful location for a game of cricket. The O’s were up against it from the off though, as due to England playing in the round of 16 game at 5 o’clock, the start time had been brought forward to an optimistic 11:30, which was usually the time opening batsman Sir Jack Baker-Merry would rise from his slumber and half of the team were still bleary eyed supping their morning coffee. Further to this, The O’s were down to the bare bones following ‘The Battle of Chigwell’ the previous week, with Mark Johnson still on a ventilator in the medical room with his fractured rib, collarbone, hip, elbow, and pelvis and Adam Parkes having to pull out of the XI on the Saturday evening with a pulled hamstring after getting ahead of himself trying to play 2 games in one weekend. Paul Smith was drafted in and Alex Baker Merry strapped up his sprained ankle to help Orient field a full XI. To make matters worse, Felix Daji was struggling with an eye injury leaving him with 50% vision... more to come on that later. Thankfully, the skipper lost the toss, and Matching Green chose to bowl first, which was lucky for The O’s, as due to the early start time, key man Matt Hiscock had some prior engagements at the Hornchurch Dojo, meaning The Orient XI was hindered even further, it really was looking like an uphill battle. Despite the set backs and injuries, The O’s got off to a quick start as opening batsman A.Baker-Merry got off the mark with a quick single on his sprained ankle off the first ball but Alex’s start would finish as quickly as it began, as he was bowled out for 1 by O.Hartnell. What with all the injury problems, the skipper was forced to bring Ollie Buck, who's season average before the game was sitting at a mighty 3, in to bat at three. After a slow start for Buck, there was a sense of change in the air, as he hit a cover drive for 4 to get his first boundary for the club. Gasps could be heard from the pavilion, and reports say Skipper Ritzy was exclaiming “It’s clicked!!! He’s worked out how to hit a ball!!!”, but alas it all came tumbling down just 4 balls later as Buck was bowled by 15 year old, J.King, with that 4 being the only runs scored for Buck. Next to step up to bowl for Matching Green was 13 year old Scout Neville, who would turn out to be a constant thorn in Orients batting side, her first action impressively running out Jake Cook with a direct hit. No one was more surprised than Jake himself. After P.Smith had hit a shot deep towards the boundary, you could hear Smith asking Cook if he fancied another run and punters in The Chequers beer garden on the edge of the green heard Cook shout at the top of his voice, “I can EASILY do 2 here, no sweat, I might even take the long route and run backwards and maybe even consider a third”… Scout must have heard and taken offence to this display of arrogance, and threw the ball practically from the boundary line directly on to the stumps, getting Cook out for 4. With Whittam and Richardson then falling for 1, and 0 respectively, things were looking bleak for The O’s. With 6 wickets down in less than 25 minutes and a score of just under 30 on the board, the skipper knew it was time for panic stations and put out 'The Matt-Signal', which involved him sending the text “Put your foot down Matty, we’re f****d”. Making matters worse, Daji, scheduled to come in next to bat was nowhere to be seen. His ‘eye injury’ had caused him to retreat to the away dressing room for a half hour snooze… after waking up from his nap, Daji had put out the distress call to his girlfriend’s mum to come and pick him up. Back to the action on the crease though and a partnership had started to blossom as The O’s tried to claw their way back into the game and Smithy getting 22 (4x4) and James “I only bat at 11” Amos scoring 23 (5x4) certainly helped the resurrection. As the wickets began to fall again, it was time for Orient’s Blind Batter to step up, and even with one eye and the mother-in-law saying, “Hurry up and get in the car, I’ve driven 30 miles to come and get you!”, F.Daji managed 9, before sprinting off into the distance to be carted back to East London. The President then came in at number 10 to notch a speedy 19* (3x4) in 14 balls to close things up, whilst M.Hiscock also arrived just in time, still in his Karate ‘whites’ to get a couple of runs in the final over. The O’s finished on what sounded like a very respectable (considering the opening batsman’s performances) score of 164, but that respect was discredited somewhat by the 72 extras… 5 of which coming from the wicket keepers helmet costing them penalty runs, meaning the helmet outscored nearly half of The Orient’s batting line up! But tea came at a good time, and the crocked Orient side headed into the pavilion to lather on the deep heat, re-wrap the bandages, and get an exquisite tea provided by the Matching Green residents down them. Heading back out to bowl, Orient, now down to 10 men in the field, half of which carrying an injury, knew they’d have to bowl well to stand any chance of winning this one. Matching Green’s youthful opening batsmen had other ideas however, and F.Heywood-Law was rampant in the early stages, scoring 37 (8x4, 1x6) in 26 balls. His father was so impressed on the touchline, you could hear him shout “You’re on fire my boy, I can feel a new personal record being set here”, and The O’s were grateful for this jinx, as J.Amos then took his first wicket of the day with the very next ball, bowling Heywood-Law out, leading to some family disputes back at the pavilion and security called for the removal of Orients No.1 fan Kaz Amos as she continued to outshout the opposing fans. With the opening partnership having got them close to the 50 mark after the first 6 overs, it wasn’t looking good for The O’s, but Amos took another couple of quick wickets bowling both J.Denman and S.Neville out for 10 and 9 respectively. Ritzy also decided enough was enough, grabbed the game by the scruff of its neck, and picked up a tidy 5fer in his 6 overs, being hit for 26 runs. "That's how you do it kids... class is permanent" he said after the 5th wicket fell. J.Cook was also economical with the ball, averaging just 3, being hit for just 18 runs in 6 overs, with 1 maiden in the process and things were starting to look up thanks to this. Despite being a man down and all the injuries, there was some inspired fielding work on display too, with A.Baker Merry leaping off the ground with his one good ankle to take a catch against J.King, scoring 33 (6x4), and Matt ‘Sensei’ Hiscock put his mornings training in the Dojo to good use, using the stealth and guile of a Ninja warrior to camouflage on the boundary line and take an impressive catch against O.Hartnell, who then claimed, “I had absolutely no idea he was out there!”. It was looking okay for The O’s as the wickets were falling and with Matching Green having only two to spare, there was the potential for an underdog upset on the cards for the crocked O’s. However, the clock was fast approaching 5, and everyone was too excited to see what kind of electric performance Southgate’s England would put on against Slovakia, so Matching Green sent out a couple of their more experienced batsmen to wrap things up and wrap things up they did! G.Bonerman notched 28* (5x4, 1x6) and S.Hartnell smashed 33* (2x4, 3x6), with all 3 sixes coming in a row, straight into the nearby pond to finish the game and see out the win for Matching Green. This left enough time for both sides to get showered and back into the pavilion to watch an exhilarating 120 minutes of Southgate-ball and the late drama from Bellingham’s over-head bicycle kick in the 95th minute. The President is hoping to channel his inner Southgate and inspire the team to put on a display just as exciting when The O’s travel to Essendon next Sunday. Up The O’s!
Return to Main Page
© Dave Revell