Rayleigh. Rayleigh.
Match Report Date 25/08/2024 Oppo Rayleigh (a) Type 40 Overs Report by Agatha Christie With the O’s suffering 5 defeats on the bounce, skipper Ian Richardson took matters into his own hands by negotiating a cut throat transfer deal bringing local lad Matt Wicks into the O’s side for the trip to Rayleigh. Upon arrival Ritzy was seen in conversation with Matt’s father Ian about the role he would need to play and how the O’s would build the side around young Wicks to secure the inevitable victory in this 40 over match. The skipper won the toss and experienced openers Sandeep Barot and Stefan Minkey got the O’s off to a decent start before Minkey (10) was dismissed following the second best catch of the day (More to come on that!). 44-1 brought weekend rambler Adam Parkes to the crease with his trademark Karate Kid style hankerchief strapped across the forehead as the runs continued to flow with some fantastic batting from Barot which earned him an impressive 50 retired - which according to Andy Hudson makes Edgemeister top runscorer for the season. (Needs checking - Probably another Jack Baker-Merry quiz buster) This brought young Wicks to the crease and for a lad who hasn’t played for six years he brought ‘honour’ to the famous cricketing family. Both Wicks and Parkes kept the scoreboard ticking against some accurate bowling until Wicks was finally bowled. Wicks stood firm prepared to intimidate any of the opposition who dare make eye contact or utter a word but the umpire explained with the bails being removed he might have to walk off….which he finally did – A fine knock for a splendid 34! This brought Hudson (16*) to the crease with 14 overs remaining and the windy conditions meant he replaced his standard 1950’s Bonnet ribbon hat for his new Peaky Blinders razor cutter! Matt Hiscock (25*) joined him an over later as Parkes was adjudged LBW for 32 and together they put on 40 to get the O’s up to 181 for 4 off their 40 overs. Now there are many mysteries in life….What really happened to flight MH370? What really goes on at Area 51?, however the disappearance of skipper Ian Richardson at Tea remains one of sports biggest unsolved mysteries?!?!? Was someone in the dressing room really prepared to commit murder because the O’s skipper had lost 5 on the spin? Team mates were meticulously putting sightings and witness accounts together like Hercule Poirot in the hope they could find a half smoked vape and follow the evidence -“I last saw him take a phone call round the back of the pavilion and he disappeared” “He told me he’d lost his keys” “His car is missing from the car park," “I heard him mention Matt Wicks might not get a bowl?” The plot was thickening. O’s took to the field with just 10 players for the start of Rayleigh’s innings minus their absent skipper whose location was still unconfirmed. With the third over of the Rayleigh innings underway a red BMW roared into the car park and O’s all-time leading wicket taker emerged in a cloud of Raspberry Vape. “I’m ok fellas” he explained to his concerned team-mates as he tried making his way onto the field before an unconcerned stand in skipper Hudson roared “NO….get off. You can’t come on until next over. That is basics.” With police cordon tape now being removed and Danny Whittam’s sniffer dog given some respite, the O’s skipper explained he’d forgotten his tea so secretly travelled to a local petrol garage to get some food and then forgot how to get back to the ground. With no signal, he then got lost so just spent 45 minutes driving around Essex – The true circumstances I suspect will never be revealed. Back to the cricket, Liam Mulholland and Jack Baker-Merry opened the bowling for the O’s who kept things relatively tight without making the breakthrough. Mulholland came closest to a wicket after the batsman lobbed one up into the sky for a potential caught and bowled until Mulholland concerned he was getting clotheslined WWE style allowed the ball to hit the terrafirma. “Apologies did I get in your way?” remarked the sniggering batsman. “Its ok son, there was a lot of commotion” was the swift reply from the O’s Club President. The O’s changed the bowling attack when skipper brought himself on and picked up a couple of quick wickets raising further suspicions “Is it an alien inside Ritzy’s body?”. Hiscock came on at the other end and dismissed Keene following a smart catch by Whittam behind the stumps. Wickets continued to tumble and Wicks got in on the act picking up his first wicket for the club putting the O’s in a decent position. Rayleigh were 78-7 needing 104 off the last 20. Mulholland threatened if the O’s lost this one then his cricket career was over and he would be burning all his gear. A direct hit run out from Hiscock brought Rayleigh skipper Mayfield into the game who decided to smash it to all parts before rapidly retiring on 50* leaving the O’s the predicament of Plan A - Keep the current batsman at the crease or Plan B - Go for the final wickets. They went with Plan A with no success as Rayleigh kept the scoreboard ticking. In the end a fourth wicket for Hiscock meant Mayfield returned from his brief retirement anyway where he continued to smash it to all parts. With Rayleigh nine wickets down, Mayfield the Destroyer on strike, the hosts needed just one run to win off 1.5 overs. Mulholland was holding back the tears lighting a match over his kit bag in the trees believing his incredible career was finally over……But it wasn’t. With the Rayleigh players and supporters congratulating themselves on a notable scalp, Sir Jack responded by whipping the crowd into a frenzy and sprinted in from the car park end like a lion determine to catch his pray. Unfortunately, his full pitched delivery was brutally smashed back past him with smoke coming off the ball “Oh well that’s that” thought most……..however the ball still cooking flew into the cool calm hands of younger brother Alex Baker-Merry who dived and took one of the best catches ever seen in an O’s shirt. INCREDIBLE!!!!!! Scenes of jubilation, shock and excitement as the O’s had recorded a tie – 9th in their history and the second at Rayleigh in 4 years. Next up is Woodford Green for the latest episode of ‘On the Buses’
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© Dave Revell