Chigwell. Chigwell.
Match Report Date 23/06/2024 Oppo Chigwell (a) Type Timed Game Report by Podcaster Adam (I need more followers) Parkes It was the best of times, it was the worst of times... With our regular superstars away on international duty searching for the finest Bratwurst, an opening bowler on the beach and the skipper absent with leave, the patchwork O's descended upon Chigwell with lower expectations than usual - subterranean perhaps - but we were buoyed by some new faces in the ranks. As Alan, Jake, Ryan, Paul, and Mark arrived they were all given the once over by the President as he decided which of these unfortunate souls would be part of his weekly stand-up act but most importantly all were welcomed and promptly asked to pad up as LOSCC were to bat first in a rare timed game. Special props to Ryan who played his first game of cricket ever after a decidedly late cry-off in the early hours. Who knew that shandy and a woman's thumb could be so potent... With the England game kicking-off at 8pm there seemed to be a decision of certain logic of having The O's bat first. Any worries of missing kick-off seemed to be dispelled as we were sitting at 33-4 within the hour. During this spell the opening bowler refused to continue bowling citing mercy but also that he had run out of tobacco! Elby joined Hudson at the crease prompting a mini-revival in Orient fortunes during a nice partnership of 70 between the pair (Elby 28 4x4's 1x6; Hudson 40 7x4's). Whilst this seemed to enhance our standing in the game once again a mini-collapse was imminent as we slumped from 103-3 to 114-7 taking our eyes off the prize like a mid-wicket fielder at Bengeo. We needed a hero. Then IT happened. When I say IT I don't mean the clown of the popular movies (even if a circus was present) but instead carnage on a cricket field unlike anything you have ever seen. None of the four spectators expected Hudson to call for that third run on the overthrow but Johnson obliged. As the ball came in Johnson attempted to dive to make his ground trying just like the planes flying overhead but instead appeared to - in slow-motion - re-enact Operation Chastise whilst emulating the great Sergei Bubka by planting his bat firmly in to the ground, creating the letter 'T' and then falling in a heap. There was much concern amongst the faithful but it was understood that photos were needed before any first aid could be given. As Liam approached his fallen comrade to ensure that he wasn't dead he took out his notebook, licked the nib of his quill, and proceeded to compile the squad's post-match entertainment. The squeals of pain that we heard that day would not be out of place in a slaughterhouse. Many nightmares have been had since Sunday. Once Hudson vacated Whittam came to join the wheezing debutant Johnson and his 3 paramedics and managed to remind him that his leg was injured and that any quick singles weren't welcome. Next ball..."Yes!" Whittam later departing with a quick legside 7 (1x4). Next in was Hiscock and with boundaries flowing off of the co-presenter's willow, Chigwell were at a loss as to how they could turn the tide back in their favour. As runs continued to flow season cards were checked as the 8th wicket partnership record was seriously in danger. Another quick single led to yet more yelps of pain as Johnson (8) had to retire hurt, carried off on a stretcher by his paramedics due to one of his ribs lodging in his hamstring. Hiscock reached 50 (7x4's 1x6) and then Hannant returned to take the final two wickets as Orient reached 183-9dec off of 41 overs as Johnson wasn't able to return. The break in play saw much comfort given to Johnson by Mulholland as only the President can dispense whilst cackling like a Bond villain in intermittent bursts. The only thing missing was a white cat. Allum - who carried his bat but again more on that later - and Soswal started quickly before Mulholland dismissed the latter caught behind by Whittam. Taggart joined the surviving opener but not for long as he became El Presidente's second victim (third if you include Johnson) having him caught by Elby. After the initial breakthroughs things fell silent for The O's (a few chuckles aside) as the home side built their first meaningful partnership of the innings as Tootell kept the strike for periods until he was struck plumb in front by Hiscock. This brought leg-side Lewis to the crease. Honestly, he was obviously a sweet striker of the ball but his wagon wheel was all leg side and seemed to only use 25% of the outfield. Saying that he retired on 67 so maybe I'm just bitter. Youngsters watching too much T20. It disgusts me. All about the V young man. Play through the lines!!!! I digress again. This then brought a couple of wickets to debutant Syrett that brought interest to the end of the game (for 5 minutes) until everyone's favourite chain-smoking northerner came to the crease. As Allum approached his 50 - he was in his 40s probably for a decade - Hannant with the grace of Boycott decided to cause dressing room consternation just for pure bants and deny him the chance of a half-century. Upon hitting the winning run Hannant couldn't hide the smile on his face as O's players rushed to congratulate him on the achievement forgetting that they'd been mullered once again as Allum sat crying at the non-strikers end in disbelief and stranded on 49*. The O's lost by 5 wickets (1 retired) but the game was played in a brilliant spirit at a lovely venue. After the game Mulholland set up his PA system and spotlight to engross the masses chomping on homemade millionaire shortbread bites of tales from the past - an assault on an opposing goalkeeper whilst supporting The O's being a standout highlight - but still most of his focus lay firmly at the ribs and hamstring of Johnson. Not content with just a few jabs he continued topping up the ale drinker's glass with lager just to keep him there to make him laugh continuously so that we could all laugh at the grimaces that followed. All credit to Mark who took it all with good spirit and a punctured lung. Welcome to LOSCC! Next match away to Matching Green
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