LOSCC vs Hockerill.

Report vs Hockerill

Match Report
Date 21/06/15 
Oppo Hockerill (a)
Type 40 Overs
Report by Eddie Tooth

The O’s supporters defied the gods who were determined to strike down the entire team with a series of freak leg injuries. However they only got as far as Dave Revell, Andy Humphrey and Matt Hiscock - leaving nine men still unscathed and ok to make the trip to Hockerill away.
Gordon Graham was back from his studies, and Jay Williams and Jack Baker Merry returned from drinking in Birmingham and Sheffield in a new look team. 
The O’s supporters even had supporters.  Matt Hiscock and Dave Revell rattled their crutches and swivelled in their wheelchairs down in cripple corner, ramming fistfuls of Paracetamol and Ibroprufen in their faces, as their purple knees and shins burst out of their jeans scaring the local children.
All was well….. until Simon lost the toss and Hockerill elected to bat. 
Eddie’s face resembled Edvard Munch’s “The Scream” as Simon informed him that not only would he be bowling, but he was first up with the new ball. 
Hockerill’s West Indian Veteran Jagdeo’s reputation as the Viv Richards of Bishops Stortford was cemented as he sauntered to the crease chewing gum and twirling his bat in his hand in anticipation of a massive pie (or Jamaican patty) first up.
The crowds weren’t disappointed, and Ed’s fears confirmed, as Viv smashed him back over his head first ball, which was met with an anguished cry from the bowler and a fit of giggles from Cover (Mulholland) and Point (Marsh). 
The Chuckle Brothers were still holding their sides three overs later. 
It was looking to be a long day with gaps in the field stretching around for miles like a Saharan desert. 
Louis Morgan suffered in similar fashion with Hockerill's opener clipping any short balls off his hips for four as they raced to 70 in no time. 
In a fit of pity the Hockerill skipper asked his team if they would like to help by offering to field.   When asked they looked around, paused, considered it for a while, but then shook their heads and replied  - “nah” . 
But thankfully two fielders did appear and suddenly the run rate  dipped as Jagdeo nicked one down the leg off Tooth, followed by another wicket from Eddie, this time clean bowling A. Commercial through the gate.  (“How long does A Commercial last?  Err .. about 30 seconds?”  Boom boom.  Copyright Martin Riches.). 
Pace off the ball was looking to be the best option and Liam stepped up and was immediately in the wickets, supported well by three excellent catches from Louis Morgan, one of which was a brilliant diving effort.  In the depths of the East End Alan Wicks was suffering mysterious twitches as a sixth sense was telling him Mulholland was edging away with most wickets.   #ReadandweepBethnalGreenmafia! 
Jack Baker-Merry bowled a nice spell whilst Liam whirled away through 14 overs.  Hockerill’s run rate slowed up a tad and around 4pm time actually reversed with 9 Benjamin Buttons in whites returning to their glorious youths.  
Thankfully Liam cleaned up the last two and everyone sprinted into the tea room for a huge frenzy of pizza and sarnies.   Liam finished up with 6-26 as Hockerill ended up with 187. 
In reply all planes from Stansted were grounded due to an atomic mushroom cloud looming large over Hertfordshire.  Nuclear fears were quashed as it turned out just to be Martin Riches head exploding after Bob Marsh gave him LBW off a nine year old.    The rest of the team scarpered as Riches thundered into the changing room to run his head under the cold tap.  
Jay Williams (18) and Ed (17) added some runs but Ed was caught behind chasing a wide and Jay dismissed in similar fashion to leave the O’s five down - but skipper Heed took control blasting short balls everywhere.  
Liam entered the fray and put on a nice stand with Simon to take it down to 50 needed off 11 – very do-able with wickets intact. 
However Heed lost his wicket, followed by Baker-Merry to leave Gordon to face the music.  
Sadly Graham Senior was castled and the O’s were 30 short in what was a good game and close finish.  
With Dean Cox now promoting the O’s supporters on Twitter Skipper Heed could have selection problems in the next few weeks!

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© Dave Revell