South Loughton.

Report vs South Loughton

Match Report
Date 18/06/17 
Oppo South Loughton (h)
Type 40 Overs
Report by Liam Mulholland


After the gargantuan run chase of last week the team had a totally different look about it for 
the visit of South Loughton. Cricket is a game of numbers and with the 10 players available this 
week if everyone batted to their average the team would score 109, with the temperature soaring 
by the second and with a bowling attack weaker than lizards piss the skipper was hardly flush with 
great options for the day. Gordon Graham arrived strapped to a pallet encased in ice, incredible 
sight as he was parked by the pavilion and we waiting for the ice to melt. With Gordon still in 
ice, Ritzy still on his trek from Cambridgeshire, Dave Langrish deep into his new novel ‘How to 
Blatantly Cheat at Cricket’ & Stefan still on the way from a Champagne breakfast with some little 
cutie the skippers options were reduced even further.
 
Option A: Lose the toss field for 40 overs and get battered into oblivion with the risk of sun stroke.
 
Option B: Win the toss get bowled out quickly, the runs knocked off even quicker back in the shade 
for a cheeky pint.

As the skippers strolled out for the toss the home skipper easily spotted the South Loughton boys 
were ready and rearing to go and looked pretty strong for a Sunday fixture. The away skipper called 
heads but as it was landing the home skipper kicked the coin over to his blind side quickly scooted 
up the coin and advised the him it was tails and the home team will bat. The first part of the master 
plan now compete it was just a case of how quickly this game will go on.  Mulholland & Langrish 
opened the batting against the bowling machine accuracy of Dave Smith, Langrish fresh from reading 
his novel thought he would put a few moves into practice, in the 3rd over he nicked, hang on let’s 
get this right he smashed the arse off a delivery from Smith that caused splinters to fly off the 
bat and the sparks started up a bush fire. Remarkable he stood there with his innocent choir boy 
looks claiming no contact was made, umpire Richardson bought into the RADA like performance that 
Sir John Gielgud would have been proud of. It was painful to watch, Mulholland was playing out maiden 
after maiden eventually Langrish went in the 15th over for 4 to break this exciting opening stand of 
21, Whittam arrived with just 5 balls left of Smith’s spell that had gone for 3 at that stage from 
seven overs, the skipper advised him to be careful so 3rd ball he received the first full toss Smith 
had every bowled and pumps it for 4!  A battling effort from all the guys, tight bowling, difficult 
pitch on a another day could easily have been rolled over for 80, useful runs from the tail enabled 
the O’s to finish on 126 which was above the team average of 109, mainly due to extras being our friend 
with a massive 36!  O’s took to the field knowing early wickets were key,in the first over Richardson 
had a caught and bowled chance which he would have normally caught but unfortunately the sneaky extra 
cakes, pork pies  and chocolate bars he scoffed hiding in the shower seconds before taking the field 
were now taking its toll and he fumbled it to the floor. The bowling was flogged to all parts but the 
pain would be short and sweet, Graham bowled in the circumstances a very tidy spell in the searing 
heat picking up 1-26 off his 6 overs but sadly he looked like Niki Lauda after his Nuremburg crash by 
the end of it. South Loughton cruised to victory in the 20th over losing just 2 wickets, a comprehensive 
thrashing for the O’s. The visitors then preceding to booze for England well into the night with a 
watching Paul Smith beating his personal best of 37 bottles of bitter on his yearly visit to the field 
of dreams. Fingers crossed a stronger team for a new fixture away at Old Minchendenians next week.  

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© Dave Revell