Bengeo. Bengeo.
Match Report Date 16/06/2024 Oppo Bengeo (a) Type 35 Overs Report by Sir Jack Baker-Merry With the O's stuck on a losing run, captain Richardson entered the trip to Bengeo a man under pressure. His attempts to deflect blame for the previous defeat onto late player arrivals, the selectors and the tides of the sea had fallen on deaf ears, so in an attempt to find a winnable opponent, he had asked the fixtures secretary to call ahead and request a fixture against the under 11s. Remarkably, he won the toss and elected to bat. O’s opening pair of Essex league superstar Jack and Fan's Cup champion Alex Baker-Merry ground their way through to drinks, Boycott and Tavare would be proud, occasionally finding the boundary in-between arguments about running between the wickets, who's turn it was to do the bins and who mum's favourite was. Alex eventually holed out on 23 (3x4's) after swatting a boundary the ball before, whilst Jack made it to 51* (10x4's)when he retired. At this point he posed frozen, bat aloft with a celebration that equalled Russell Crowe in Gladiator and Brian Lara's 400*, not someone who had taken 51 runs off of 200 balls against a bowling attack with an average average age younger than some of the equipment he was using. Stef and Sandeep, the latter of which definitely chose to bat at 4 and hadn't been demoted due to lateness, put their foot down, dispatching the pre-pubescent bowling attack, to all parts before falling to 24 (3x4's) and 42 (7x4's) respectively. Matt and James took the score to a very competitive 192, with the pick of the bowlers C Adams, who managed 1 for 16 before he was called home for his tea. In reply, Amos kicked off the innings with a customary full toss, which rolled up the hill for two, which must be said was very steep and anyone fielding there would do well to consider this when attempting to field the ball. The breakthrough came when Amos bowled Tanner for 2. At the other end Adam Parkes, who inspired by his superstar teammate Jack Baker-Merry, had purchased new footwear in the week, toiled gamely, a spell of 0 for 19. He was replaced in the attack by Hiscock, who induced enough turn to persuade the home batter to chip one up to Parkes at midwicket, who had time to tie up his new spikes, wipe his glasses and film the latest episode of the ‘LowDown Podcast’ (Orient’s third most popular online audio chat offering) before deciding to try and catch the ball between his elbow and chest. Clearly anchoring Orient-related media shows has a detrimental effect on motor skills, online followers dropped off in their millions. Hiscock decided that his fielders were not to be trusted, snaffling two caught and bowled chances, whilst Alex Baker-Merry impressed with a tumbling forward catch. Inspired by this, Andy ‘Rolly Poly’ Hudson tried his own acrobatic fielding attempt, haring in from the boundary on the steeply banked boundary. Thrilling the seven spectators, he stopped the ball with one foot, whilst springing off the other down the hill, Tom Dalyesque, after three more off balance steps, his face became well acquainted with Hertfordshire turf, finishing with a triple somersault and pike. Crucially though, despite all this, he managed to keep the run down to one. The O’s finally managed to wrap up the innings, Amos expertly keeping Bengeo captain Smith off strike by terrifying the 8 year old child at the other end with a series of beamers, before taking the final wicket 83 runs short of the total. A strangely subdued O’s team reflected on their first win of the season afterwards, with it being pointed out at a number of the team possessed the combined age of the Bengeo attack. O’s travel to Chigwell next week to face a local Primary School select XI.
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© Dave Revell