LOSCC vs Theydon Bois

Report vs Theydon Bois

Match Report
Date 14/08/11 
Oppo – Theydon Bois (a)
Type – 40 Overs
Report by Anonymous (witness under police protection programme)

The sun shone on Theydon Bois cricket ground on Sunday but unfortunately not on the O's as they were obliterated 
by Theydon. Posting a modest total of 165 Theydon knocked it off in 20 overs for the loss of only three wickets.

To mark his 100th appearance for the club Skipper Heed cooly rolled into the ground on a Harley Davidson doing his 
best ZZ Top impression having borrowed Bob James beard from the week before. Thankfully Brian Blessed bellowed "tails" 
and won the toss and the O's were batting first - however the supporters struggled on a dampish pitch and lost Mulholland, 
James and Tooth all for under 20 runs.  Matt Hiscock batted well at number four, hitting his first 10 runs with a piece 
of bark he had earlier ripped from a tree on the boundary.  At drinks he swapped the moss-covered gnarled clump of wood 
for Bob James' Warsop and suddenly hit a series of excellent boundaries.  The speed of Hiscock's new found 
power was all too much however - as he reached his 40's his nose exploded covering the strip in claret and was forced to 
ram two bog rolls up his left nostril to continue. Heed supported Matt well and the pair put on 70 runs before Hiscock 
was bowled for a fine 41. After this partnership the O's innings suffered a mini collapse and lost 4 wickets for 23 runs, 
and finished on 165-7. 

After tea and also making his 100th appearance for the club Steve Hillier marked his ton of appearances by trying to kill 
several local children by hurling cricket balls at their heads. Luckily for the children his throws were 
so slow and wild they were never in danger.  The opening bowlers Revell and Walker saw Theydon get off to a flyer flailing 
the ball to all parts.  Dave Revell took a great caught and bowled chance but Theydon were seemingly in a rush going for 
their shots.  Alan Wicks came into the attack and had Bullivant caught behind but Stoner continued to hit boundaries.  Brother 
Ian Wicks, in search of this 100th wicket, fell one short taking his tally to 99 dismissing Marnoch - stumped by Madhavan.  The 
kray twins were on top maniacal form confirming hits, take outs and "disappearances" with just a series of dead pan nods and 
looks to each other.  Many of the contracts were taken out on their own players as comments were made regarding their fielding 
and shepherding of the ball to the boundary. A nervous week lies ahead for the side and all players are advised to check beneath 
their pillows for horses heads and deceased fishes. As the teams left the field the brothers, still steaming from a possible 
caught behind appeal, made a quick exit to procure petrol and tinder to return later to make some "home improvements" to 
the Theydon pavilion, providing the strapline "Wickes - It's got our name on it" with slightly sinister undertones.  

Next week the supporters are back at Home to Walthamstow to hopefully make a return to form.

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© Dave Revell