LOSCC vs Martians CC.

Report vs Martians CC

Match Report
Date 13/07/14 
Oppo – Martians CC (h)
Type – 40 Overs
Report by Dana Sculley

Mars Attacks.

With the Brentwood Victorians cancelling once again (twice in the last 3 years now), the O’s fixture secretary was 
frantically ringing around for a late replacement fixture which was proving exceptionally difficult.
With all hope lost, the O’s were saved by a last minute call from a ‘contact’ by the name of Mulder who suggested a 
team he had come across on his travels might be available……… and before you knew it, the O’s were entertaining the 
prestigious Martians Cricket Club.
The opposition looked quite an outfit on arrival, with various ‘futuristic’ cricketing sportswear on offer……Black and 
Green trainers, Maroon helmets with Laser stickers printed, Radar seeking beanie hats……..All very interesting attire.
The O’s won the toss and elected to bat with Marvel and Ryan opening the batting and there was quickly rumours of 
Naylor being involved in a match fixing scandal when he was nearly run out for a duck and dropped 4 times (3 by the 
same player) before finally getting off the mark. The message got out to Naylor he was being ‘monitored’ resulting in 
a decision to get his head down and avoid detection. The O’s  were looking ok at 57-0 off the first 10 against some 
steady bowling.
With neither opener looking in any trouble, Naylor (76) was finally out caught after an excellent innings which 
included a couple of great sixes. This presented the chance for late call up Wes to go and fill his boots.  
Unfortunately he was soon back in the pavilion when he was caught for 1.
Local reports suggest poor Wes has just been dropped by his sponsor Cillit Bang after being caught wearing ‘natural’ 
looking whites and resultantly losing him a very profitable sponsorship deal. Reports also suggest Steve Hillier or 
Brian Blessed are competing for the joint deal which will see them replace Barry Scott although this has not been 
confirmed.  
Matty (30NO) joined Marvel (102NO)at the crease and kept the score board ticking as the O’s approached 200.  With 
Marvel targeting a hundred, he then went into overdrive including 3 sixes in an over to tear apart the Martian attack.
With one over the go and Marvel on 93, Matty (very kindly) gave Marv a couple of singles (twice) to let him attempt his
hundred and in classic Marvel style he got there with a ‘modest’ six over silly mid-on! The O’s finished on 234 for 2!
That brought tea and once again Tina did the business with a magnificent feast prepared for any man or species.  Whilst
the O’s each tucked into their 6th hotdog, some of the oppo heard Wicks was opening up and decided a quick prayer 
towards Hainault would help them deal with task ahead!
The Martians started well but were lucky not to be one down when Marvel proved he is not indestructible dropping a 
catch of Wicks bowling behind the stumps.
Wicks landed from his celebratory triple somersault,  danced down gesturing  towards the batsman’s face…….… have that 
one son, before suddenly realising the chance had been put down……… The Martians were now witnessing ‘The Big Bang’ for 
the second time…………****.........Marv what have you done?  Frothing at the mouth and with ketchup and mustard all down 
his whites, it was fair to say, Wicks was slightly displeased!
Neal at the other end was coming in for a  little bit of tap so Heed threw the ball to Mulholland who was already 
knackered having completed a marathon around the rec chasing the no stop carnage off young Neal’s bowling.
Mulholland went for 14 in his first over but did finally pick up a wicket with a good field placing and catch from 
Heed in the deep! Naylor at the other end went for three successive 4’s in his first over and all of a sudden the O’s 
were getting a little concerned!
Despite the O’s possessing ‘lighting quick fielding’, the Martians were ticking the singles (5’s to some though) and 
smashing the bad ball (There were plenty of them!) meaning they were edging ever closer.
With the run chase coming to a climax, play was delayed whilst Turner (AKA Liam) and Hooch decided to enjoy a game of 
‘chew the cricket ball’ down on the boundary. The O’s had hoped this carefully crafted plan would assist them with a 
bit of ball tampering, however it wasn’t to be as the final runs were knocked off comfortably with 4 overs to spare 
and the Martians claiming a 6 wicket victory.
The Martians then rubbed salt in the wounds by confirming the last time they had actually won a game was a friendly 
against NASA played in Area51 around 60 years ago.

They came in Peace….they were given a feast!

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© Dave Revell