Galleywood. Galleywood.
Match Report Date 12/05/2024 Oppo Galleywood (a) Type 40 Overs Report by Harry Potter With Canewdon sadly unable to field a side, The O’s Fixture Secretary did not waste any time in finding a suitable replacement and used his magical search engine “Beautiful Essex grounds for social cricket” Galleywood was the answer and boy what a location it was – The O’s players arrived at the picturesque location full of excitement they would not only be enjoying a game of cricket but they would also testing the out of date suncream left in the kitbag during the winter, following a miserable run of weather. Temperatures were so hot the O’s players were concerned there was a forest fire in the distance but fortunately it was just Skipper Richardson emerging from his cloud of raspberry vape smoke to tell us he’d lost the toss (again) and we would be having a bowl in this 40 over match. Local word had spread about the O’s embarrassingly conceding 75 extras a few weeks earlier and it was no surprise Galleywood found a number of 1’s players looking to fill their boots having had a rain off 24 hours earlier. This was different though because the O’s had a debutant in their ranks – Enter the cool, composed Kiwi Felix Daji who picked up his first wicket for the club following a fine catch from Matt Hiscock at square leg to give the O’s some early joy. At the other end it was Hiscock who supported Naji in the attack and between them they kept things as Galleywood found themselves 60-2 after 15 overs. James Amos and Richardson came on but were unable to break a growing partnership between Aslam and Jacobs until Jack Baker-Merry unscarred by his experiences at Hatfield Peverel managed to keep it on the right pitch so that Aslam could smash one into the sky just to give enough time for Richardson to finish his vape, get in position and take a nice catch. The attention then turned to the other O’s debutant, the dashing Oliver Buck – Presenter of Orient Live, Hollywood filmstar, close friend of Sir Patrick Stewart and nephew of former O’s centurion Chris Leighton. The courageous Buck stepped up and bowled a fantastic spell picking up his first wicket for the club following a smart catch from Amos at Square leg. The O’s were doing reasonably well and there was a chance for more glory as Amos came back on to try and remove dangerman Rayner who was getting into his stride. Amos forced Rayner into smashing one into the sky and was already celebrating his wicket dishing out the high fives with his teammates when Hiscock still mesmerised by the recent Aurora Borealis decided that the brightness of the lights was far too risky to lose a few teeth over and refused the catch allowing the ball to drop next to him and over the boundary rope. The O’s fan club were displeased with one unnamed female supporter seen shouting ‘Get him some bloody glasses’ and throwing her sun visor in the direction of the blinded fielder Daji and Hiscock both came back on an picked up their second wickets with O’s Skipper also finding two smart wickets as Galleywood finished on 195-7 off their 40 overs. Now it was the O’s turn to bat as Barot and Minkey opened up. A steady start against some accurate bowling meant the O’s had 36 runs on the board before Minkey holed out bringing out the cool young New Zealender to the crease. It was a mighty relief for the O’s players who had quickly learnt three things about their new teammate 1) Felix is decent cricketer 2) He is not related to Chris Zoricich 3) He has the energy of a Duracell bunny! Unfortunately it wasn’t his afternoon with the bat though as he was bowled for a Duck bringing Andy Hudson to the crease. Meanwhile back on the boundary, skipper Richardson informed John Hayes he was in next, so it might be an idea to get some pads on. Hayes seemed relaxed munching on his 1,927th grape of the day and sent the skipper back off to his car parked over a mile away to retrieve some spare gear. Bizarrely the skipper then spent 10 minutes negotiating a fee for a new bat he was selling which clearly had ‘mafia’ links as he would not let Hayes leave the ground without taking it off his hands. Finally a fee of £30 was agreed when Hayes reminded the skipper in his old age he’d actually forgotten to bring the one item he actually needed which was batting pads so off went Ritzy for another mile long walk and chance to smoke his 17th vape of the day. Sadly Hudson didn’t last long as he was bowled presenting the King of Grapes with an exciting opportunity to test out his brand new purchase. Three balls later after being clean bowled he walked back passed Richardson still counting his pound notes behind the pavilion following his ‘shady deal’ who asked him ‘How d’ya find it son? – Good investment?’ Buck following for another duck when he was stumped having left his crease for a quick makeup check and when Barot was the fifth victim of Walton the damage was well and truly done with the O’s at 66-6 needing 130 off the last 15 overs. Baker-Merry contributed 14 and Hiscock added 20 before dismissals of Richardson (2) and Amos (The fourth Duck of the innings) wrapped things up earlier than expected with the O’s all out for 98. Post game there was much chatter and great to see everyone enjoying the evening with a few beers and Hudson racing into the kitchen to buy enough Burgers to feed a small army, followed by another round of hot-dogs, followed by some more beers, followed by Edgy buying out all remaining crisp stocks in the Galleywood postcode. Next up for the O’s is Rettendon on 2nd June
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© Dave Revell