LOSCC vs Octopus CC.

Report vs Octopus CC

Match Report
Date 12/05/13 
Oppo – ICCC (a)
Type – 40 Overs

This past Sunday saw the O's travel to one of the finer parts of North London for a conference fixture against Octopus CC.  
The name of our opposition caused much pre game debate with some wondering if this was an eleven who are keen fans of the 
Perry the Platypus children's cartoon or a group of aqua marine biologists.  In the end, our opposition turned out to be a 
team of eleven cricketers who resoundedly beat us in a one sided game that even Max Clifford or Alistair Campbell would 
struggle to present any positive spin on our performance.
 
Losing the toss, stand in skipper Marsh was put into bat - up until then, all was going well.  Bob arrived in his new bubble 
mobile coupled with a sunroof which not only opens but also apparently according to the manual, closes as well......should 
the driver remember to do so.  Hamberger and Mulholland opened the batting with the ball coming out of one end a bush and 
the out the other of the chamber maid's bedroom of some pretty nice millionaire's house.  Perhaps it was the sight of 
something going on in the higher echelons of Highgate domesticity which affected our batsmen? Mulholland was first to go 
edging one behind off the impressive and steady opening bowler Reid. Hamberger banged a few 4's thereafter on an outfield 
which proved that it was only going to be a 1 or a 4.  Nothing to do with the size of the outfield - more so the lack of 
ability of the O's batsmen to hit sufficient boundaries and the lack of our bowlers to stop being hit for them!  Captain 
Marsh in his post match press conference said that he needed 3 of his 5 batsmen to come off today.  In reality we achieved 
half a batsman coming off with Hamberger top scoring on 24 and with only one other batsman reaching double figures.  
Humphrey contributed a couple of 4's but also fell to a nick behind on a wicket which was inconsistent.  Ritches - batting 
with one hand after the worst thumb injury that has ever been seen - was unable to make inroads against the Octopuses and 
Wicks tried to smash a few but with that bat, it aint ever gonna happen Big Al.  Ajay Patel was probably grateful for the 
run out to take his mind off self extracting half his mouth.  Interesting fact from Richardson on this that apparently in 
these times of Austerity, people have taken to removing their own teeth in a bid to save the costs of dental visits.  Thanks 
Professor Richardson.  Moving on........baring in mind we were playing in millionaire's row, it was only fitting that we too 
should be treated to the delights of middle England - enter into the fray, Kauto Star who has made the transition from champion 
race horse to the elegance, poise and contemporariness of elite dressage.  Laughing was probably the only thing to keep us warm! 
In the end, the O's were out for 79......enough said but a very well done to Octopus for some very good and tight bowling.  
 
A straight turnaround saw us go without tea and substance to try and defend this total.  By now the weather was colder, cloudier 
and wetter...just what you want when your stomach's rumbling and in need of a cup of tea and some inspiration.  The turnaround 
was presented to us as an opportunity to get the game finished because of the weather but in reality it was 2 fold 1) tea hadn't 
been started and 2) I think our hosts had seen enough of us bat to want to get the game done, dusted and won, and for us to 
eave and to do so sharpish.
 
Wicks opened the ferocious attack and was unluckily to be creamed to the boundary by a blinding cover drive........off the first 
ball.  Wicks also got smashed for a huge 6 over his head (just to point that out too!).  Big Al did capture a couple of wickets 
and was on hatrick at one stage.  Richardson and Alton also bowled with Alton picking up a wicket.  Richardson should also have 
picked up a wicket but for it going down in the book as a run out so he's still 350 wickets behind V Mulholland and 550 behind 
Mrs Bob Meeks.  He should make this total up in no time at all and if all goes to plan, he'll draw level on the Wednesday game 
of the tour in 2045.  Harry Potter also picked up a wicket with the thumbless and ever so slightly competitive Ritches holding 
onto a skier to remove the destructive opening batsman (the one that creamed Big Al in case you were wondering who!).  
 
In conclusion, Octopus bowled, batted and fielded as if they each had 8 arms and used their tentacles to strangles us and drown 
us accordingly in the deep sea of Highgate.
 
Tea was had afterwards so a quick shower and then to the Woodman for a few beers and a surprisingly early night.  A rather fitting 
end to a wet day against marine opposition was that Marsh left his sunroof open so had to paddle back down the North Circular home 
using his guiles to breath and power the car.  As always, a pleasure, as always a laugh, as always none of this actually happened.
 

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© Dave Revell