Thorley.

Report vs Thorley

Match Report
Date 11/06/17 
Oppo Thorley (a)
Type 40 Overs
Report by Liam Mulholland

O’s arrived at Thorley with just 10 players expecting another pleasant and gentle game at one 
of their favourite venues, the events that will unfold in this report are all unfortunately true, 
there has been some embellishment by certain reporters over the years but not on this occasion. 
Please hold tight and enjoy the ride, O’s lost the toss and were faced with a very flat track, 
fast outfield, short boundaries and with the usual pop gun attack skipper Mulholland feared the 
worse for his band of merry men. Added bonus for the diehard O’s fans as they were met with the 
sight of an old favourite in Steve Castle making his Sunday debut for Thorley, Steve’s 12 year 
old son Charlie was also playing and is making great progress with the Thorley colts. Steve 
played against LOSCC in his playing days in the annual players v supporters match, he had fond 
memories and was keen to see some old faces, in a couple of hours he will be thinking twice about 
his decision. A long afternoon looked on the cards as the ball was immediately pumped to all 
parts of Essex as the bowlers were hammered, Skipper Mulholland looked around his players and 
wondered how the great Captains, Douglas Jardine, Richie Benaud, Clive Lloyd, Mike Brearley to 
name a few, would have handled the option available. From 1-10 the current situation is this:
 
Sandeep: Looking to find out how India were doing v South Africa and was in need of a cheeky fag, 
his wish would be granted as he dropped a catch, fractured his finger so had a time out reducing 
the team to 9. He would bravely return when he ran out of fags.
 
Stefan: Munching furiously on a kebab at gulley, constantly asking about what is for tea.
 
Simon Heed: On his comeback game after spending £3250,000 on medical bills, with his eyesight now g
oing he stands at slip wearing opera glasses.
 
Martin: Man of steel just expects to win.

Gordon: Furiously covering himself in factor 150 sun cream.
 
Ryan: Keen to keep wicket but after 3 balls realised he had made a massive mistake and was now 
dreaming of a giant spliff.
 
Karan: Why is my brother not playing & is it a veggie tea.
 
Mo: I can’t do all the fielding, batting, bowling.
 
Swaran: Making his debut after being press ganged into playing by the skipper whilst fielding in 
his Saturday game, he had told his wife he was just popping down to pick his bag up from the ground. 
Now in deepest Stortford with a possible return home on Monday night.
 
Liam the skipper: Swearing furiously as usual under his breath.

Honestly any 10 from the Walking Dead would have provided better resistance, Thorley scored at will, 
Steve Castle took the crease and immediately traded in boundaries, he was joined by his son to his 
great delight. Mo then said to the skipper he had a cunning plan, the skipper replied go for it we 
need something to change, after 2 beamers were hooked for 4, the 3rd one breached Castle seniors 
defence and smashed into his nose, obviously no helmet or pads required against this attack. With 
blood pumping out of his nose and Castle decked, Mo appealed wildly for an LBW as he claimed he got 
low on the shot and Riches tried to sneakily run him out but the ball slowed up in the blood trail 
and was unable to reach the stumps. Looking like an extra from a Quentin Tarantino film Castle was 
removed from the crease. With Castle retired hurt the runs dried up and a possible 270 score was now 
reduced to a final score of 244-6, Mulholland topping the bowling with a 2-42 spell. With Castle being 
unable to field, the gaps would create possibly 30 runs. The batting for the O’s was packed to the 
rafters all the way down to 10 dog Graham who has been batting so well in his batting sessions at 
the Lord’s nets the bowling machine refused to bowl at him, this game was not over. Castle’s day 
was then made complete as he tried to recuperate on the line but were joined by 2 guys keen to talk 
football. One player told of his chequered career of West Ham, Anderlecht, Boca Juniors, also when 
he was used as the technical advisor in the film Escape to Victory. The other player told Castle 
his career as halted due to the C word, Castle assumed he meant not given a chance but alas the 
answer was cocaine and cannabis. Back on the field the O’s were making a real fist of it with Minkey 
having a trade mark innings of block, block, pork pie, boundary, block, block, cupcake, boundary, 
with his shirt still smeared with tommy sauce from a previous game he looked like a bloody butcher. 
Minkey blasted a quick 30, Barot bravely added 31 but the innings was held together by that man 
Marvel as he continued his fine run of form with another well-paced and crafted 87. When he was 
out at 183 in the 32nd over it seemed the game was gone but Zaman in his new all-rounder slot batted 
with great energy to see the team to a famous run chase with 3 balls to spare. Fitting he hit the 
winning run after his beamer turned the game on his head. Swaran hoping to get back by Tuesday at 
the earliest as he unfortunately got stuck boozing with the victorious skipper. South Loughton at 
home next week as O’s aim to avenge the narrow defeat of last month. 

Return to Main Page

© Dave Revell