Galleywood.

Report vs Galleywood

Match Report
Date 11/05/2025 
Oppo Galleywood (a)
Type 40 Overs
Report by Jeremy Paxmen

Team: Steffo, Edgo, Alexo, Hudso, Johnno, Bucko, Dajo, Parko, Ritzo, Dano, Matto.

The O’s rocked up to Galleywood on another sunny May afternoon, on the back of a startling 10 wicket victory at Canfield the week before. After yet another lost toss, 
Galleywood elected to bat after hearing that the O’s were a few bowlers light and had been in the pub for 16 hours the day before for the first leg of the O’s League 
One Playoff Semi-Final.

On arrival, captain Ian Richardson could be seen unloading surplus cricket equipment from his car, hoping the surroundings would lead to a repeat of his ‘sale’ of a 
bat to John Hayes the year before. The gear covered in ‘tampered’ and ‘damaged’ stickers, Richardson failed to shift any of his stock to literally anybody who would 
listen.

A tight opening 10 from Felix Daji and Matt Hiscock left the hosts 48-1, before the O’s all-rounders entered the game. Ollie Buck continued his run of getting a wicket 
every time he bowls by having Brown caught superbly by Alex Baker-Merry. 

The commitment of the O’s fielders was unwavering with A. Baker-Merry chasing the ball to the third man boundary from mid-on, only to have to chase it all the way back 
again to save the overthrows. Hayes, with his all-new remodelled bowling action, was economical with 0-25 from 4 overs and epitomised the O’s spirit by chasing the ball 
into a bush, through to Narnia, and back again.

As the hosts fought to post a competitive score (usually double figures), Number 10 Steventon decided he would take on Hiscock‘s arm after a ‘misfield’ from Sandeep 
Barot and was left stranded out of his ground after Adam Parkes moved swiftly to remove the bails Galleywood were eventually dismissed for 134, with Richardson the pick 
of the bowlers with 3-9.

The O’s enjoyed their pre-packed lunch, much of which Jack Baker-Merry had sourced from a nearby supermarket whilst avoiding the approaches of the local single over 60s.

Early into the O’s response, Stefan Minkey was dismissed LBW for 0, following a mistimed check of the latest international news bulletins. Minkey could be heard 
muttering about the CIA and the FBI on his way back to the pavilion.

With Barot and A. Baker-Merry ticking along nicely, Hudson and Daji began to debate the relative merits of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher’s premiership 
(1970-90). J. Baker-Merry’s ears pricked up at this point and shuffled over to join the debate.

Barot brought up his 50 and began to make his way back to the pavilion after retiring, bringing Hudson to the crease. A Baker-Merry picked up a useful 21 before managing 
to pop a catch up from below the grass-line to the keeper, bringing expecting warm applause, he was surprised to hear the older Baker-Merry ranting about ‘the systematic 
destruction of British industry’, seemingly not realising that Hudson had been out in the middle for at least 15 minutes at this point.

Daji maybe hoping to put Buck off and get to the crease sooner, asked Buck if he had ‘even scored a run for the club’. After a brief confusion over who was in to bat 
next, Buck made his way confidently to the middle, with Daji heard saying ‘don’t worry fellas, this guy will be back before skipper (fella) takes another draw on his 
vape’.

At this point, readers would be forgiven for writing this report off as pure fiction. Buck got off the mark quickly with a ‘guided nudge’ to third man, before a series 
of solid forward defensive shots drew applause from the growing crowd. Buck continued in a positive manner, growing in confidence with every ball.

News of Buck’s innings began to spread around the area, with Jabo Ibehre and Glen Wilkie appearing over the fence. A stunning legside boundary was cheered to the rafters 
by the now burgeoning crowd, with Joe Widdowson heard asking if it was really Ollie Buck and not Rob Beckett under the helmet. Hudson (34*) secured the winning runs, to 
boos from the now partisan ‘Buckites’. Buck walked off to rapturous applause, raising his bat to universal acclaim for his 14*.

As the local horse-mounted constabulary fought to hold the hoards back from the heroic Buck, a disbelieving Daji was heard taking his anger out on an unsuspecting Whittam, 
announcing that ‘Stevie Wonder could build a better website than him’ and that ‘he doesn’t even know what WordPress is’. 

In an attempt to change the subject, Whittam asked if any of his teammates liked fried chicken. The ploy was successful as half the O’s team piled in with their favoured 
orders. Whittam, not to be outdone, not only announced that he had a preferred order, but a go-to branch (Gallows Corner, for those interested), that he would drive 
further than the branch closer to his house.

Over post-match drinks, Richardson decided to raise the escalating situation between Pakistan and India as a discussion topic. [The rest of this paragraph has been 
redacted to maintain club and international relations].

The O’s squad spent the rest of the evening debating the recent Spring Statement, the Spanish Civil War and Marx’s theory of historical materialism.

Bringing his charges back to more important matters, Richardson departed by urging those travelling to Stockport to ‘stand in the front row and don’t move’ and to ‘not 
worry’ about the reaction.

The O’s made their way home, some via Leytonstone Tesco (closed), others via the Gallows Corner KFC. In unrelated news Whittam, Hayes and Daji are touch and go for next 
week (gastroenteritis).

Next game at Winchmore Hill on (scrap that, rearranged fixture at Basildon & Pitsea). So much has happened since we played Galleywood, but that's another story!

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© Dave Revell