LOSCC vs South Loughton.

Report vs South Loughton

Match Report
Date 08/06/14 
Oppo – Thorley (a)
Type – 40 Overs
Report by Nick Robinson


They say a week is a long time in politics and the same can be said about cricket as well.  A week ago LOSCC turned in 
a performance similar to the Liberal Democrat's approach to the recent local elections and then 7 days later a 
momentous swing was achieved which would have had Robin Day's bow tie and swing-o-metre doing summersaults.  The 
emergency Cabinet meeting called by Home Secretary Alan 'keep em out' Wicks obviously paying dividends for LOSCC!
Prime Minister Heed opted to bat and sent in new Cabinet Minister and ex Nazeing Common player, Dan Reese to open with 
Health Minister and part time R+B singer, Sandeep 'Edgemeister Craig David' Barot to the despatch box. Edgemeister was 
unfortunate to play onto his stumps and fall for a first ball duck……3-2-1 hit it Craig " Monday, Took her for a drink 
on Tuesday, We were playing cricket by Wednesday, And on Thursday & Friday & Saturday we chilled on Sunday over at 
Barkingside…...I met this girl on Monday, Took her to nets on Tuesday, we were playing cricket by Wednesday, And on 
Thursday & Friday & Saturday we chilled on Sunday!

Next into the Commons, making his debut (the first of many games, welcome to the club by the way, see you on tour, you 
know where we play on Saturdays) Jack Capewell but young Jack fell for a few and was soon on his back to the pavilion. 
Minister for the Environment Ward was next in and with Reese (formerly of Nazeing Common by the way in case you didn’t 
read it above) at the other end, LOSCC would have been confident of a good partnership from both prominent front 
benchers.  Wardy banged a few before getting caught and subsequently running off the pitch into the sunset before 
taking up his naked position on the boundary with his favourite belongings of a bottle of beer and a therapeutic 
antidote to forget the shot he had just played.
Culture Secretary and organiser of large charitable events and general all round level headed person Humphrey strode 
to the crease looking none the worse for wear for removing large batches of Cobra from Nazeing Common CC's (Where Dan 
Reese used to play cricket) bar the previous evening and then subsequently having a little snooze at a bus stop in 
Gants Hill after Eddie Tooth left him there unaccompanied.  Fortunately the paparazzi were round the corner at Faces 
nightclub waiting for the cast of Towie to leave after hammering down 3 pints of umbongo.  Had they made it round the 
corner, they could have snapped away at him slumped waiting for a bus with his trousers round his ankles in true right 
honourable fashion which would definitely have made the Sunday tabloids.  Minister Reese kept the scoreboard ticking 
over nicely with a mixture of elegant strokes, fine footwork and huge blows with Reese (yep, you got it, formally of 
Nazeing Common) reaching his 50 in classy fashion.  After reaching his 50, Reese (ex Nazeing Common) accelerated to his 
100 with some brutal shots taking 5 fours off one over with the 6th ball going for 4 byes.
Humphrey at the other end reached his 50 including hitting one 6 stumbling over onto the floor reimpersonating his 
'in the gutter' behaviour the previous night, previous week, previous years.  Humphrey (55) and Reese (127) added 178 
together just 4 short of the club record which has stood since 1990.  

The O's started the defence of their innings with Louie Ellis (welcome to the club, see you next week, don’t worry 
about subs, we also have a team on Saturdays by the way) opening the bowling at one end and Home Secretary Alan 'keep 
em out' Wicks at the other.  Lulu, as Minister for the Environment Ward called him, looking very sharp……Health Minister 
Barot heard this and had to be refrained from singing weeyyyyy heeyyyyyyyy….ya know ya make me wanna shout, c'mon on 
now edge, c'mon on now….

Capewell (playing his first of many games, welcome to the club by the way, see you on tour, you know where we play on 
Saturdays) bowled well. Then it was time for the War Cabinet to enter the fray……can you hear the trumpets, the bugle, 
the battalion appearing on the horizon over the hills and far away……….it was Minister for competitiveness Riches, 
Diplomatic Minister and never passes a controversial opinion Harshy Marshy and Minister for Propaganda Mulholland.  
All the Home Guard picked up wickets and consequently reminded the Home Secretary of his lack of wickets. 
The O's soon wrapped up victory and then into the bar for an evening of sitting round the camp fire reliving stories, 
games and listening to the Home Secretary's plans for brighter street lights!

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